The Infamous Labour Pain

I've always known someday I'd have my very own family; a beautiful husband, beautiful children. But while dreaming such dreams I've never thought about the pain that comes together with it; the hardship; the emotional attachment and of course the infamous physical pain of giving birth. We girls dream day in day out about the romance, the dream, the electrifying love and all the sweet sugary stuff that highs us but hardly do we imagine ourselves going through the hardship that comes alongside with these highs.

One of the best thing that has happened to me was having Arielle in my life. Ohhh definitely brings the utmost joy to my life now but that doesn't mean it was smooth sailing. Worth it? Definitely without a doubt. Drove me crazy for 8 months? I'd be lying if I said no. There were points where I thought I was going crazy as well. Being pregnant was not only physically draining, its emotionally draining at the same time. People often ask me; How's the preggers life treating you? And trust me, one minute it can be an amazing experience and the next minute it can tear you down in tears. 

1. Mood Swings
Monthly PMS is the best example, but magnify it about 10times crazier and stretch it for 9 months long. Thats how "bipolar" I felt. I wake up in the morning feeling amazing and literally 5 minutes later I feel like the most horrible person in the world. To the point where I would just cry to feel better and this can repeat a few times in a day (on a bad day). Its draining. Happened most during the first trimester and the third trimester.

There are days I would go shopping and I'll be tearing while looking at clothes. IMAGINE THAT. Sounds crazy, hence why I thought I was going crazy. During my 3rd trimester my stomach and boobs grew so big (so damn big) I couldn't fit into my clothes at home and i refused to buy new clothes. Why? Because I couldnt buy S size anymore, because it JUST WOULDN'T FIT! And it just made me so depressed. I also didn't want to waste money buying an M or an L size because I wouldn't wear them after I give birth (so determined to lose weight after). I know, I know you must be thinking "you're pregnant, of course you can't fit, because there's a baby growing in me". Trust me, I am very well aware that theres a baby growing in me and therefore I too must grow but the emotions were just overwhelming even though I kept reasoning with myself in my head a million times over. HORMONES.

How I controlled it? Well, I don't think I actually controlled it well. I cried, laughed, sobbed, angered whenever I needed to; to whoever that would listen to me. Of course John got it the most. Poor thing. But I do remember during times I was aware of my mood swings I'd rather be/try to be alone and calm myself down before talking to anyone. I'd reason with myself and say, "Carmen, I know you look like a hippo but Arielle's gonna be beautiful and you're gonna be a hot mama after you give birth. Just tolerate awhile longer."

Men, if your wives are going through mood swings as bad as I did during my first pregnancy please please please be a little more patient with them. There's just so many changes going on in her body that she really cannot control. Hormone changes isn't something she can control. It isn't something mental, it's actual chemical reactions that are going on in her body prepping to growth the seed of your love. Her body changes in so many ways, its gonna shock her as well. Internally, her body is working so hard to protect the child even when she's not aware of it. She's tired, so just be there. Love her and tell her she's beautiful. Tell her you're proud that she's such a tough person. Your words of encouragement goes a long long long way. Long enough to give her a beautiful 9 months. 

2. Vomiting
Let's just say vomiting was bad for the first trimester. I vomited at almost every meal; the bigger the meal, the more the vomiting and it wasn't helping when all my cravings was at its peak! But that's already the easy part; vomiting food. When there's nothing left to vomit and I still feel like vomiting, thats when it gets really bad; I vomit bile instead. Greenish bitter fluid; one taste of that and the vomiting just gets worst. Not to mention it hurts the throat so badly (acidic). 

My throat was so sore I started vomiting streaks of blood with bile. That was when I was admitted into the hospital for drips because I just couldn't swallow anything. Tough times, but once 1st trimester was over, the vomiting was gone. MAGIC (more like crazy pregnancy nonsense).

How to ease it? 
CRACKERS! Keep em crackers with you wherever you go. Once you feel like vomiting, chomp on one. MAGIC AGAIN. Best are those salty ones, (I took Ritz). But if you have to vomit anyway, suck on ice after vomiting. Eases the throat. 

3. Stretch Marks
Some lucky people have no problems with stretch marks at all! Unfortunately, I'm not as lucky. It started to appear during my 3rd trimester, started on my thighs then my butt, my stomach and my boobs! When I was admitted into the hospital, I manage to catch up with other pregnant woman that was at the waiting area. When it was their turn to scan their tummy, they lifted their shirt and their stretch marks were all over the stomach. ALL OVER! (Government hospital = not much privacy = everyone sees everyone) Like a watermelon with many many many lines all over them. To be honest, it scared me quite a lil because mine just appeared at one spot on my tummy, say 4/5 lines at most? I never knew it could get so bad. I went home and immediately spammed myself with stretch marks gel after. Hahahhaa.

How to avoid it?
I don't think it can be avoided. The most you can do is to apply the stretch marks cream as many times as possible in a day. Best done after a bath/shower. Looking at my marks now, I actually feel quite proud of them. Its like my battle scars; some people wish to be in my position so why should I be complaining. 

4. Itchiness
Comparing all the pregnancy issues, I think the itchiness got the worst of me. I would rather vomit a few times a day for 9months than going through the itchiness for 1 month. I don't know why was there itchiness, I don't know why it happens during pregnancies, I don't know what causes it and I sure as hell don't know how to ease it or take it away. If I did, I would go all out to take it away. It drove me nuts. I read online that there are many pregnant women who go through the same issue, some would find relief in taking a cold bath, some would find relief in taking an oat bath, some find relief in applying lots and lots of lotion but I found relief in nothing. The itchiness was so bad, especially bad in my palms, feet, fingers, toes, neck, scalp and my tongue. YES MY TONGUE. And the itchiness wasn't just on the surface of the skin, it felt as though my bones were the one that was itching. UGH, thinking about it now gives me shivers. I was scratching every minute. Even in my sleep I would be scratching. I would wake up with marks and wounds all over me.

How to get rid of it?
BIRTH. hahahaha the minute I went into labour, the itchiness went away. So you just have to tolerate!

(I just realised how wordy and lengthy this post is. But oh well).

THEN CAME THE BIG DAY!

Which was not expected at all cause I wasn't even 8 months when it happened. I was only 7months and 3 weeks. 

1.00PM
Anyway, on 21st November 2014 about 12.00pm plus nearing 1.00pm I was having this stabbing pain in the NECK. YES THE NECK. It was horrible, I couldn't ease the pain, not with a heating pack, not with an ice pack, not with massage ointment, not by lying down, I couldn't even feel better with chocolate. It was similar to stiff neck kinda discomfort but it hurts even when I didn't move. The worst part was, John was away for work so I had to deal with the pain alone (a massage would have been good at that point). 

4.00PM
The pain went down to my upper back. I remember telling myself, "Good Job Carmen, you've just made it worst by trying to fix the neck pain". I tried to sleep, tried taking hot baths, cold baths to ease the pain but nothing really worked.

5.00PM
My whole back started to hurt. I was in such a desperate situation I couldn't do anything else but cry. I remember I was in bed crying and praying at the same time. How bad was the pain? I give it a 4/10. Yes, it wasn't excruciating pain and it was definitely tolerable. The point was the pain didn't go away, it didn't ease at all and the thought of bearing this pain for another 5 weeks just broke me down. I remember asking myself "How am i going to last another 5 weeks in such pain". 

6.00PM
John came home from work and I was still crying. I felt like a child, I cried in his arm and said "I really need you here" (or I really needed a massage). He comforted me, massaged me and I did feel a slight bit better. Not sure if it was in the mind but wtv comfort at that point was helping.

He asked me if I wanted to go see the doctor. Now, here's the thing, my next gyne check up was on the next morning itself. I thought I'll just hold on a lil longer till my check up the next morning (which is in another few hours) and ask him for some painkillers or any form of relief he can offer me. So I told John I'll just wait till the morning.

7.00PM
My mother in law cooked dinner for me. I remember I ate Mee Sua (last meal during my pregnancy). I took a long hot shower after and tried to sleep. I felt a lil better, managed to catch a short nap as well.

8.30PM
The pain came back and I was tearing up all over again.

9.30PM
The pain came to my chest now. Breathing was alright though. Just an aching feeling in my chest. I continued to tell myself "few more hours, a few more hours and I'll be seeing the gyne". 

10.00PM
The pain travelled again. Pain went down below my ribcage which scared me a lil because it was where my placenta was. I remember my gyne telling me before if I feel any pain or discomfort there I must go to the hospital immediately to get it check (because of hypertension and my placenta may detach). I told John and we immediately left the house for the hospital.

I told them about my pain and they immediately strapped on the "baby heartbeat machine" (don't know whats the name of it) and the nurse said, "You're having contractions every 4 minutes, why did you take so long to come in".

WHATTTT!!!! CONTRACTIONS?! HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW CONTRACTIONS STARTS FROM THE NECK MAKING ITS WAY DOWN!!! I didn't know how to answer her or react. I WASN'T READY TO GIVE BIRTH! I WASN'T MENTALLY PREPARED! 

So conclusion was, I was having labour pain from 1.00PM in the afternoon and found out only at 10.30PM at night. Never have I felt so noob in my life. I came in only to check the pain, NOT TO GIVE BIRTH! I panicked, I was happy, I was scared, I was relieved, I was scared, I was excited, I WAS SCARED! 

Then the nurse said she'll have to confirm with the doctor if I'm healthy or the baby is healthy enough to be delivered. My gyne came in after a while and confirmed my delivery. Thats when everything flew by, he gave me a few jabs to ease the pain and to help me sleep. 

BURSTING THE WATER BAG.
I always imagined my water bag will break at the most embarrassing time (in public) where it would seem like I've urinated all over. hahahaha it would be quite an experience. But instead my gyne did it manually with a long plastic stick. How? Yea, it was inserted in my vagina and POP! No feeling, no pain, just POP! and warm liquid (slightly bloody) flowed out. No it did not feel like pee, it just felt like a gush of warm water flowing out non stop. ALOT ALOT ALOT of liquid. Who knew my stomach was actually storing so much liquid!

11.00PM 
John contacted my parents and obviously they were so excited, my whole family came immediately. But I couldn't see them anyway. I had a pee bag attached to me, drips attached on me and I wasn't allowed to walk anywhere because my body was still producing amniotic fluid to keep the baby moist and if i moved too much, I'd leak and probably leave a snail trail wherever I go.

2.00AM 
The contraction became stronger and I was 6cm dilated. The painkillers were almost useless at this point. I was still drowsy when the pain wasn't there, but when the pain came I WAS AWAKE! Still about 4 minutes per contraction still.

4.00AM 
I was still 6cm dilated. Felt like forever! 

What does contraction feel like? It feels like I need to poop but you're just not allowed to poop. Intense and painful pooping feeling!!! The contractions were so strong that I was having cold sweat and was grabbing on to the sides of the bed (more like clawing into it).

4.30AM 
I was STILL at 6cm. But baby's heart beat was dropping with every contraction I have; which was dangerous for her. So the gyne told me he will schedule me for an emergency c-sec immediately. I was quite happy to hear that cause the contractions was just getting too painful and I just wouldn't dilate anymore. 

4.50AM
I was in the operating theatre. ALONE. (John wasn't allowed to go in somehow). I was nervous and excited at the same time but mostly relief because they've already given me the jab to numb my body (below breast onwards). When the operation started I couldn't feel a thing. I was emotionally drained at that point I just wanted to rest and sleep. I was thinking to myself while they were cutting into me, "No wonder I felt so emotional today and I kept crying". Some people say your emotions are usually all over the place when you're ready to give birth. Its like your body goes into shock.

How was the operation?
No pain at all. I felt a lot of tugging, pulling, yanking.

5.03AM
CRIES!!! I HEARD HER CRY FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME! They brought her to me, she had whitish fluid all over her (like in the picture above; its actually wax). They showed me that she's a girl, counted her fingers and toes for me, showed me her tag number, showed me her birth mark and I managed to kiss her a few times before they brought her out to see John. 

-She was really red when she came out-

Taking Arielle out was a speedy process but sewing me back up took about 45minutes to an hour. I fell asleep half way until I was ready to be pushed out. I was being monitored outside the theatre for about an hour or so. John was allowed to be with me. He showed me a few pictures he took of baby when the nurses brought her out to him. I swear she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I couldn't believe she came out of me. I fell asleep again and next thing I knew I was in my ward. 

I thank God that everything went smoothly; that I gave birth to such a beautiful child and I came out safe from the surgery as well. It was definitely an experience I would remember for the rest of my life; from the moment I found out I was pregnant to the moment I gave birth to her.

Motherhood is a whole different/eye opening experience. Maybe I'll find a story to write about motherhood later on. 

Now being pregnant with Isaiah is also a whole new chapter to write about. But lets just say that this pregnancy is treating me well for now; 7months on and it has been an easy easy pregnancy. No vomiting, no itchiness, no mood swings, appetite is well. Everything is actually pretty normal except that my tummy is growing really really big. Who knows how and when I would get into labour this time. That'll be another story to tell later on =)

-"Children are a gift from the LORD, they are a reward from Him" Psalm 127:3-

Time Flies

I've had her inside me for 8 months and held her in my arms for 9 months now. If you ask me, I don't think she has grown one bit. Thats because she's still my lil baby girl. But when I look back at her baby pictures, its only then realise how much she has actually grown and it scares me a lil because she's just growing up wayyyy toooo fast! I guess the saying, "time flies when you're enjoying yourself" is true.

How's motherhood been treating me?

Definitely eye opening! 

There are definitely ups and downs throughout the whole process. After all, I'm still considered quite new at this. Of course its an exhausting period; the need to change her nappy constantly, the need to attend to each tiny noise she makes, the need to attend to her when she's been too quiet, the need to be there at her every waking hour; I will not lie, IT IS TIRING! But at the end of the day when she falls asleep and smiles in her sleep; I know its because she's had a good day or when she smiles the very moment she sees me; I know its because I give her that comfort and security she needs or when she cries and calls mama; I know its because she needs me. Its all the tiring moments that adds up to these blessed moments. Nothing in the world is more satisfying than knowing she's safe and happy. So yes, I'm tired at times but she's my pride, my joy and she's worth every ounce of my energy.

There are days she makes my heart skip a beat and I'm not saying it in a good way. Its like she gives me mini heart attacks! There was one time she was choking on her own mucus and she couldn't breath. I swear at that moment I panicked from my head all the way down to the tip of my toes and my mind was in so much shock I didn't know what to do! Well, thank God my mum was there and she knew what to do. BAM, SHE FLIPPED HER OVER AND WHACKED ARIELLE'S BACK UNTIL SHE STARTED CRYING! Crying is good, crying means she's breathing again. I cried for a good 15 minutes after she was better; still in shock. After that incident, I couldn't even sleep properly because I was so scared she'll choke in her sleep.

It also breaks my heart to know when she's sick. Especially when she has the flu. She can't sleep well, can't drink well, can't even play well. Babies can't take meds like us to ease the sickness, they just have to suck it up and let it heal by itself. Poor things. Hahaha but there is a way to ease their nose blockage; suck it out for them. Yup, we used our mouths at the beginning before we found out about the nose sucking machine for babies. Sounds disgusting right, but when your child is suffering this way, you will do almost anything to take away their suffering.

So I was going through my photo library and decided to put some of her pictures up on my blog. And also to show you how much she's grown throughout these 9 months!

Proud mother showing off her daughter now!

 During the first few days after she was discharged from the hospital. She wasn't allowed to be discharged the same time as I did due to high level of jaundice. Poor girl, broke my heart to know that she'll be staying in the hospital for a few more nights without me there. This heart break is nothing compared to any heartbreaks I've ever felt in my life. Felt as though they took a part of me away. I guess in a way its quite literal, she has been a part of me for 8 long months anyway and suddenly being away from her makes me feel empty.

 Chubby cheeks

 Yes, she was born with that amount of hair. Pretty sure the hair genes are from the father. 

 The first day I took her out! After being stuck at home for almost 28days (confinement), it was good being out again. Yes, I'm huge. Lets be honest here, pregnancy isn't exactly the most glamorous period for a woman. Cravings are almost unstoppable, em' boobs grow to the size of cow's udders, and you practically grow every part of your body. I started my pregnancy at 48kgs and when I gave birth to Arielle I went all the way up to 64kgs. (not proud and not good). I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 6months and borderline hypertension at the end of 7 months. Despite all the complications, I managed to give birth to a healthy (premature) baby and I was at the pinkest of health as well. After 3 months, I shot down to 55kgs (still not ideal) and the weight was stuck there. I couldn't lose anymore (sadly)!

and now, I can't afford to lose more weight! Well, because.... I'M PREGNANT AGAIN! (what a bunny right?)

 Let's not get side tracked...
Thats us sleeping. She used to be able to fall asleep beside me this way. Now, well, she prefers to wake me up by digging into my nose, mouth and eyes until I talk to her.

I was so excited for chinese new year this year. Haha mainly because I wanted to doll her up in the lil cheong sam that she has. She looks so cina in this picture.

Most peaceful moments are the times I watch her sleep. Yea she dreams, but I honestly have no idea what she dreams about. 

Tiny grape like toes

Took her for a first holiday to Avillion Port Dickson. I guess she enjoyed her trip; just look at that smile.

-

And then she grew, and grew and grew. 

This was when she just started sitting up by herself without falling over and hitting her face

My sunshine

"Whats going on mummy"

"Why are you doing this mummy?"

As a stay home mum, these are the things we do together.

Now she's all big and beautiful. Fitting into dresses and looking more like a lady

or sometimes a boy. Still pulling off the look amazingly well.

Poses really well too

But overall, still that lil cheeky girl at the end of the day

loves eating chocolate

Overall, despite all the nappy changing, crying nights, vomiting, endless saliva droppings, I wouldn't trade this for all the richness in the world. Its a blessing to be a mother to this beautiful girl. She has brought the kind of joy that makes me glow from the inside. She makes me smile just by looking at her. I never knew how unconditional love can be until I held her in my arms.

Getting side tracked again, YES I'M PREGNANT... again. I just passed 5 months and my tummy is pretty huge already. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "it'll be nice to have a boy this time right" and YESSSS I AM HAVING A BABY BOY THIS TIME ROUND! What a blessing right. I'll be closing the factories after this. Time for the mummy to have a good rest although I don't know if i'll be getting any since I have two lil active kids to look after now. But the body definitely needs some rest.

Pregnancy this time round has been smooth sailing. No vomiting, no morning sickness, no super sensitive nose. In fact, I've been rather active! Nesting has taken up a notch. (Nesting; the need to clean the house). I've been clearing, cleaning, packing, washing, preparing ever since I got pregnant and I actually enjoy it. Very satisfying! Of course I'm not a superwoman, I have my lazy days as well; days I just curl up in bed with my laptop and enjoy my drama all day long.

I've planned to deliver through c-sec this time. During my pregnancy with Arielle, I was attempting natural birth but due to some complications I was rushed into an emergency c-sec. So now, i'm just gonna save all the trouble (and money) and choose c-sec from the very beginning. 

ISAIAH LOW!

YES, thats his name =)

Whoever is reading this, please pray for the rest of my pregnancy, a smooth delivery and a healthy baby. Thank you!

-Everything I want the world to be is now coming true especially for me and the reason is clear. Its because you are here. You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen. Mummy loves the both of you very much-

You are My Happy

Who knew this much change can happen in such a short amount of time. Sitting here trying to remember each step I've taken for the past year makes me feel like I've been sitting on a bullet train and it's been one hell of a ride. The decision to get on board was probably the hardest decision I've ever made; there was no time; it was either a "make it" or "break it" situation. So here's a story I'd like to pen down; whether to share with people who would like to know or for myself to remember how this chapter of my life started.

At the end of April 2014, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Why? Well, the obvious reason was because my period was exceptionally late. Secondly, the scent of everything was either heighten or changed. Pork smelt like rotten meat, my pillow smelt like it was soaked in urine, I can smell my dog from a mile away. I felt like a dog myself; Super Sniffer Dog. I admit I kept pushing the thought out of my head; telling myself "no, it can't be" and dragged it on. Till one day when I was at the pharmacy buying cough mixture and happen to see some pregnancy test on display. The voice at the back of my head was really demanding so I gave in and bought.

Positive. I sat there staring at the test for a good 15 minutes. Tears running down my face, questions after questions popping into my head, emotions stirring at every inch of my being. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to feel, trust me, I didn't even know how to walk out the toilet at that point.

I told John on the day itself and we had a long discussion; an all nighter discussion. I could see all the mixed emotions written all over his face; the exact feelings I had. In all honesty, the thought of having an abortion did cross my mind. I am only human and I've asked myself "Will I be a good mother?" "what do I know about raising a child?" "can I take up such a big responsibility over night?". 

But then I realised, I realised that there's no "WILL I be a good mother?" because at that very moment I AM already a mother. I placed my palm on my tummy and gave it a slight rub and it sunk in; there's a life in there. A life within life, a life within a me. I'm connected to this little being, supporting its every growth, protecting its little body. Then I felt honoured; honoured be such an important role, honoured to be depended on a 100%, honoured to be needed to support a life, honoured to protect a child until its ready to step out into the world. Its an honour to be a mother, its an honour to be this child's mother. What kind of a person would I be if I decide to rip this honour apart. It wouldn't only physically hurt, I think I would be mentally scar for life.

We decided. We decided to keep the child and I remember the very moment John took my hands, looked me in the eye and said, "I love you and we will do this right. It's my child as well and we will do this together". I was in such relief to know we shared the same thoughts and to know I have his support while I take on the biggest change in my life.

Did we know anything about raising a child? No, we did not know anything about raising a child but at this point, the question was "do we want to know how to raise a child or not?" and YES we want to know, we need to know because we want to raise our child right. We want our child to be happy, healthy, safe, smart and we want the best. For that, we need to know everything from A to Z. Luckily God is gracious, we had about 7 month plus to learn and thank god for the internet as well. 

Were we able to take up such a big responsibility in such a short amount of time? Its now or never. Now that I'm already in this position, I won't take no as an answer. If I'm not ready now, I will ever be ready. Seems like a great deal of responsibility but it got easier as time passed because the stronger the bond was, the more everything was done out of love instead of mere responsibility. 

So there's my little journey from knowing, to absolute denial, to accepting and finally embracing.

The infamous questions many asked. Did anyone talk behind your back? Did anyone react badly? Did anyone not support you? I guess in every situation you'll have both parties; those who stand by you and those who don't. In this situation, no one can make you feel better, no one can help with the morning sickness, no one can help with the raging mood swings, no one can help with the tiredness but knowing that you have the support from people around you is a big comfort. I cannot emphasise how important the support was to me. The words of encouragement from family and friends, knowing that they are happy for me made the whole process easier. Each support, each congratulation, each compliment has encouraged me to take a step further, so I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been happy for me even if its for the slightest moment because it really means that much! Thank you, you know who you guys are.

My family was so supportive. The first person I told was my grandmother, then Trisha and Rianne. My grandmother was just too excited that she's gonna be a great-grandmother,  Trisha and Rianne was complaining how they're gonna be young aunts; nonetheless excited. Then my parents, I was thinking of a million ways to tell them (or when to tell them). One afternoon when my mum was in an exceptionally good mood and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Out of all the awesome ways I've thought of telling her, I panicked and just blurted out. She obviously was shocked, asked some questions and after an hour or two she was more than excited to be a grandmother. My father was away for a business trip then so I didn't manage to tell him until a week after. When I sat him down, I remember me taking the longest time to get to the point (my voice was already shaking) and when I finally did, he said "I knew about this a week ago, mum already told me about it" and smiled. I burst out crying and my dad reached out to me for a hug. Thank you for standing by me everyday, every moment of my life. Its because of the both of you, I'm confident I will be a good mother.

John's family has been amazingly supportive as well, from his mum all the way to uncles and aunts. I want to take this moment to thank John's mum and dad for raising the man of my dreams, the man who bravely took this decision to raise our child, a man with strong principles and great sense of responsibility, a man who loves his family and lastly the man of my family now.

As for those who left, it was heartbreaking. I thought I was overreacting from all the mood swings, but when all the mood swings were gone it was as heartbreaking as before. From time to time, I still ask myself why? I guess after a while I really started understanding this phrase "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" and cared less. 

A little advice for you, focus on those who are willing to stick by you through thick and thin. Its makes your life a much happier one cause its them who matters; its them you'll grow old with.

-First visit to the gene. Our little gummy bear-

Anyways, we went through a whole lot of names. We had both gender's name ready because we didn't know if our little gummy bear was gonna be a girl or a boy. When we did a scan at 5 months, we finally knew gummy bear was gonna be little Arielle.

After all that has been said, I know how this is a mistake but this is how we chose to handle it. The easy way out was an abortion, one flush and life goes back to normal but that wasn't what we did. We faced it, we took responsibility, we did what we believe was right. We took a brave step and we are proud. We are proud of how we handled this mistake because this mistake turned out to be our life's joy.

Arielle Low

-You'll never understand what love at first sight is till you hold your own flesh and blood in your arms-

Racing Hearts with You

Question:
What is Love?

Love is many things. Love is a force of nature. Love is a child eating ice cream for the very first time. Love is waking up to a bowl of honey stars soaked in milk- scooping the first spoon into your mouth. Love is that last sip of bitter herbal drink but you sip it up anyways because you know its good for you. Love is like a dog waiting for their owner to come home because when he does its absolute joy. Love is like downloading a torrent file; you have to wait and wait because in the end its all worth it. Love is like a phonecall, it takes two on each end to hold a conversation. Love is finally letting out pee after holding in a really long time, there's always comfort after letting out whats bottled inside. Love is like buying a pet, its easy to get but hard to let go. Love is like a butterfly, hold on too hard and it dies, loosing your grip it might fly away. Love is a choice. Love is never selfish. Love is like medication, makes you feel worst and better at the same time. Love is two souls becoming one.

So I guess there are many ways to define love but to me, love is you. Love is you constantly singing the wrong lyric to every song you possibly know. Love is you and your cocky-ness. Love is you and your sudden verbal attack in public. Love is you singing in the shower like no one listens. Love is you snoring as though you're sleeping alone in the middle of the night. But Love is also all the times you have been there to wipe my tears. Love is those pillow talks we have. Love is us being crazy together. Love is all those magic moments you create. Love is you being my escape, my fantasy but also my reality. Love is you appearing at the most unexpected time of my life and turning my world upside down. So yes, to me love is you and only you.

Happy Anniversary Love, more & counting.